My world has appeared flat the past week or so. I’ve decided it’s time to expand my view. I thought I was happy, there’s plenty to be happy about, but everyone keeps telling me I’m not. Don’t I decide that?
So everyone’s heard this song by now right?… If you haven’t, scan your radio next time you get in the car and you’ll find it on at least one channel (maybe even two). But have you seen the video?… you can’t help but, well be happy. Funny though, if I’m in a pissy mood about traffic, or thinking about heavy things when it comes on, I get a little bugged by those first few notes. “G-a-w-h, really? Nobody can be that happy, all the time! I’m sick of this song.” By the end of it my toes are tapping and I often even have a smile on my face.
Truth is, I am happy. Really, genuinely, truthfully, happy. But (surprisingly to me) some of the people in my life seem to think otherwise. I take in the information they’re telling me, because I love them, and I respect their thoughts (plus I know they’re only bringing these matters up because they care about me). But somewhere around the middle of the conversation I start to feel a little fire burning in my chest. I’m aggitated, a tiny bit angry even. Who are they to tell me if I’m happy with my life or not? I think people like to speculate on what they don’t understand.
A lot of people don’t get Adam and my relationship at a*l*l. And that’s ok. We’re not at a point in our lives where stability is necessary (insurance, a car, thinking about children, etc… just not on that track yet), we’re not even living in the same state right now, definitely not financially set, and the counts against us continue… but you know what? We’re happy. We’re always working on our situation, trying to figure out what’s important to us as individuals and as a couple, but our standards (or expectations even) are very different from what is ordinary or the usual case for a lot of people. I know our normal isn’t normal, and I love that it’s not. It’s what makes us work. It’s why we click. We’re a perfect match.
I think it’s the artist in us. We connect on a level creatively that can’t be paralleled in any other way. For example, when we go to a movie, he always talks about how the music, sound effects, mixing, etc. impacted him and the story and I always talk about the visual effects, camera angles, costumes, lighting, etc. He’s all things audible. I’m all things visual. We’re never competing because we don’t practice in the same medium. But he gets me and I get him. We connect in a way that I’ve never experienced with anyone else. He’s my best friend.
Now that I think of it, I’m kind of appalled that I feel like I have to defend us on any level. But I want to set the story straight. When it comes to love, when it comes to relationships and marriage, it’s a good place to, frankly, butt out. There’s always a possibility of misreading a situation, or you may even be neck deep in the game of telephone. Give space where it’s needed. A marriage (especially) is a sacred bond between two people. It’s a place that needs room to breathe, be nurtured, and allowed to grow. Each one has it’s struggles and pit falls, but you go through those moments together. Just the two of you. That’s what makes love so wonderful. The whole world melts away and the only thing left standing is the two of you, the two of us.
Ok, ok, I’m off my soapbox. The steams been coming out of my ears about this one. A good rant was necessary. I probably could have or should have told you to skip down to the photographs. Well here they are (continuing with the theme). Lately I’ve found myself driving all the time. When I’m not at work, and not at home, I’m in the car. I probably spend about 2-3 hours in the car each day. Coming from Austin where I walked or took the bus to get anywhere, this has been an odd phenomenon. Here are some mystical sights I’ve noticed while sitting in traffic, waiting at a light, or snapping without looking at what I’m shooting (explaining why some are slightly crooked). They are misty and magical, even if they are in fact capturing sources of pollution. : / We’ll try not to focus on that… eeek.
Who knows, maybe happiness is a smokescreen of sorts. An illusion? Maybe. I think we all have the ability to make up our minds and decide if we’re happy or not. It doesn’t depend on our circumstances, how much money we have in the bank, or any other material ‘status’ type thing. It’s about an inner joy, having peace in all (or at least most) things, and hopefully is shared and made richer by someone else. If you’re lucky enough to have a gem in your life like Adam is in mine, the roots of your life are joyful and happy. Don’t get me wrong. That’s not always the emotion or feeling that envelops me of course, I mean shit does happen. But happiness is a resolve, a way of seeing past circumstances, and enjoying life even while in a storm or during hard times. There can be heart aches and pains, but I’m deciding right now, if I haven’t already, to try to be a positive presence in the world. To pursue happiness and all that comes with it. What did Audrey Hepburn say?… hold on I’m looking it up… “Happy girls are the prettiest.” Probably because her happiness radiates from within and is felt by everyone around her. That’s the girl I want to be.